


A Pile of Sorrow

by Rose_Bud99



Series: A Pile of Clones [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Minor Character Death, clone cuddle pile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Bud99/pseuds/Rose_Bud99
Summary: Scorch feels raw and hollow like somebody scooped out all his insides with a shovel and hadn't gotten around to putting them back in.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Clone Troopers, CT-7567 | Rex & Original Clone Trooper Character(s), Clone Troopers & Anakin Skywalker, Original Clone Trooper Character(s) & Original Clone Trooper Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s)/Original Clone Trooper Character(s)
Series: A Pile of Clones [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823764
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	A Pile of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but, somehow, it turned into an eight part series and I'm not even sorry.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or anything affiliated with it.

Cluster's bed is empty, but Scorch can't stop staring at it.

Cluster had been decanted at the same time as Scorch and the rest of their batchmates, but he had always felt like the youngest of them. He had this wide-eyed happy innocence to him, and he could always find a reason to laugh.

It had been a bomb that had taken Cluster. He and Scorch had been ducked behind cover, taking shots purposefully through the multitude of brothers in front of them. There had been a yell of, "Get down," a deafening bang, and a flash of fire far too close for Scorch's comfort before he'd been thrown several feet and blacked out. When Scorch came to a couple minutes later, he was bleeding from his left ear, his head was pounding, and Cluster was dead.

Scorch feels raw and hollow like somebody scooped out all his insides with a shovel and hadn't gotten around to putting them back in.

He stares unseeing at Cluster's bed for several minutes before he is finally able to jerk his gaze to the bunk right above Cluster's.

Snaps had gotten his name from one of his tics. Snaps started having involuntary tics after a head injury in year seven training. After several months of nerve-wracking tests, they found out that Snaps did not tic during combat and he was allowed to finish training. He had a lot of tics but the one he had most often was the snapping. Scorch had grown so used to the snapping that the lack of it seemed to echo through his squad's barracks. 

Scorch's eyes drift down to his hands, which hang uselessly between his knees. For a moment, he just stares at them, then he raises his right hand and snaps.

"Don't."

Scorch jerks around to look at Sergeant Lex, who is on his bunk behind him. Lex is laid out on his side in full armor, except his helmet, with his back to the room. Scorch loved and trusted his older brother, but had never particularly liked him. Right then, however, all Scorch wanted to do was punch him.

That single snap had made Scorch feel better, had made him feel less hollow, less small, less insignificant. For a moment, it had felt like Snaps was still here, that he hadn't gotten his head nearly cut off by a commando droid with a vibrosword.

Scorch's eyes drift up to the bunk above Sergeant Lex. It had been Wreck's because Lex had wanted to keep an eye on him.

Wreck had been their heavy gunner, and he took great delight in mowing down droids with his Z6 blaster cannon. He had also been a bit of a troublemaker which is probably why Lex wanted to keep an eye on him.

Captain Rex usually kept them at the back to keep them safe, but the day Wreck had died, Lex, Wreck, Scorch, and Zavier had been at the front for a reason that Scorch did not know. Wreck had been laughing while he swept his Z6 from side to side across the line of advancing droids. Then he had grunted, and when Scorch had looked over, Wreck was on the ground, his helmet turned to Scorch so he could see the hole through the visor. When the battle finished, Scorch had pulled Wreck's helmet off and saw that the blaster shot had gone through Wreck's head. Scorch thinks Wreck was dead before he hit the ground.

Scorch can't bring himself to look at the bunk above his. The bunk belonged to Zavier, who hadn't just been Scorch's brother, but his best friend. Zavier had always been there.

Zavier had been right by his side when he took a horrible blow during their seventh year training. He'd been in medical for months afterward, and Zavier was always there. He'd been there when Scorch had gone through months of physical therapy to get full feeling back into his right arm after it had been nearly burnt off in his accident.

Zavier was right at his side when he had a panic attack during the first training session after being cleared by medical. Zavier had held him while he tried to remember how to breathe and reassured him later that night when Scorch told him that he didn't know if he could be a soldier if he continued to panic anytime a bomb went off too close to him.

Zavier had been right there when Cluster died. He'd helped him to his feet and helped him stumble to medical. Zavier had comforted him that night. They'd held each other as they both tried to remember how to live without their batchmate, and did the same two days later after they lost Snaps.

Zavier had let out a roar when Wreck died and picked up Wreck's Z6 to mow down as many droids as he could. Scorch had pressed his face into Zavier's stomach in their tent that night and tried not to cry.

During the final battle of the campaign, Scorch and Zavier had been crouched side-by-side with their backs pressed against the leg of a walker. Out of nowhere, Zavier had bowled into Scorch, sending him sprawling. Scorch scrambled to his feet as fast as possible, but it was too late. Zavier was already laid out on the ground, unmoving.

Scorch doesn't remember crying, but after picking up Wreck's Z6 that Zavier hadn't stopped carrying, after spending the rest of the battle mercilessly destroying droids, after the battle was over, Scorch's cheeks burned, his eyes itched, and he couldn't breathe.

Scorch doesn't know when he fell in love with Zavier, but it doesn't matter anymore. He realized too late, and now all he has are memories that are never enough.

The barracks feel small and are too quiet. Snaps isn't snapping. Cluster and Wreck aren't leaning on each other laughing at some dumb joke Wreck just made. Zavier isn't leaning over the side of his bed to look at Scorch with that look that makes him feel warm inside.

Scorch can't breathe through his pain, his armor has never felt more constrictive, and his skin itches with the need to do something. He stands and struggles with the snaps of his armor. When it's all in a pile on the floor, Scorch glances at Sergeant Lex, who's back is still to the room, and scowls. Lex is just laying there. He hasn't tried to comfort Scorch, even though it's Scorch's batchmates who are dead.

Scorch huffs and walks out of the barracks. Lex doesn't try to stop him, and no one in the hallways does either.

Scorch doesn't have a destination in mind and doesn't think about where his feet are taking him. Therefore it's a surprise when, almost ten minutes later, he looks up, with slightly blurred vision, and finds himself in the hangar, about three meters from General Skywalker's bright yellow Aethersprite.

The general's blue astromech—Scorch thinks it's called R2-D2—is standing beside the fighter, holding a couple of tools with his manipulators. General Skywalker's black grieve boots are poking out from under the fighter. Scorch's eyes go wide, and he turns to go.

"It's alright, Scorch. You can come closer," General Skywalker says. Scorch freezes.

"You...you know my name, sir?"

"Of course, I do," General Skywalker responds as if the answer was obvious, as he comes out from under his fighter.

Skywalker is still in his version of full armor, which has spots of dried blood and mud on it. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes droop, but he's gently smiling at Scorch as he pushes himself to his feet.

Scorch has never been close enough to General Skywalker to truly realize how tall he is. Skywalker is only a couple inches taller than Scorch, but the height difference still makes Scorch feel more small and inconsequential than ever. Scorch wraps his arms around himself and looks down at his feet.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, sir," Scorch says.

Before Scorch can turn to walk away, Skywalker says, "Hey." Scorch looks up, surprised by the warmth in Skywalker's voice. Skywalker is bent forward, and his shoulders are curled inward, making him look smaller. His eyebrows are heavily furrowed, and he's frowning empathetically. "Scorch, will you come with me, please?"

Scorch straightens to attention. "Of course, General." Skywalker gives him a tight smile then motions for Scorch to follow him.

General Skywalker leads him out of the hangar and through _The Resolute_ to a hallway full of the officer's quarters and offices. At the end of the hall, Skywalker opens a door, steps out of the way, and motions for Scorch to go first. Scorch glances at him, his eyebrows furrowing, then steps forward.

The room is devoid of furniture, except the bunk built into the left wall and the mattresses that cover every inch of the floor. Sitting on the bunk, her legs crossed, a datapad in one hand, and a stylus in the other, is Commander Tano. Sitting on the floor right below her, is Captain Rex, his legs laid out on the floor in front of him. He has a datapad in his left hand and a stylus in his right. Sitting perpendicular to him, with their feet almost touching, is Commander Cody with a _vod_ (Mando'a-Brother) that Scorch has never met whose face is pressed into Cody's stomach and whose shoulders are shaking with what Scorch believes are sobs. Sitting near them is a pair of _vod'e_ (Mando'a-plural of _vod_ ) who are pressed together with their legs so intertwined that Scorch can't tell which legs belong to which brother. A pair of 212th brothers that Scorch believes are named Waxer and Boil, bracket them. Laid out on the floor behind them is another 212th brother that Scorch thinks is called Trapper, who has another brother that Scorch doesn't know fast asleep across his chest.

Sitting together in the far corner is Lieutenant Hardcase and a 501st brother named Acklay, who looks exhausted. Acklay's eyes are red-rimmed and puffy looking, and his cheeks are blotchy. Sitting near Waxer and Boil is Lieutenant Jesse, who is practically cradling another 501st brother called Points. Pressed up against Jesse is Lieutenant Kix, who has one of the 501st's junior medics, named Vosq, in his lap. Vosq's face is pressed into Kix's neck, and he is sobbing hard. Sitting back to back, with their heads resting against each other, are Arc Troopers Fives and Echo. They are both holding a 501st brother. Fives has Snipe and Echo has Jako.

Every being in the room is devoid of their armor, even Commander Tano, who has also set aside her lightsabers. It takes Scorch about half a second to take this all in, then his eyes return to Captain Rex, who has just looked up at him. Rex's eyes fill with relief as he stands and walks over to Scorch.

"There you are, Scorch," Rex sighs when he stops in front of Scorch. Rex looks over Scorch's shoulder and gives a tight smile. "Thanks, General."

"Of course, Rex," General Skywalker responds. "I'll be back soon."

"Don't take too long, sir, and don't forget General Kenobi."

"Oh, don't worry. Obi-Wan will be here, even if I have to drag him by the teeth," General Skywalker says, and Scorch can almost hear the smirk in his voice. Rex laughs shortly and carefully tugs Scorch into the room. The door closes behind him.

Rex leads Scorch to the spot he had just vacated. Rex sits back down and pats the place on the mattress to his left. Scorch wraps his arms around himself and his eyebrows furrow. "Captain-"

"Sit down, Scorch," Rex orders. Scorch has never disobeyed a direct order and didn't plan on starting anytime soon, so he sits facing the bed on Rex's left. Rex reaches out and wraps his hand around Scorch's head and turns it, so Scorch is looking into Rex's eyes. "It's okay, Scorch," Rex murmurs.

Scorch shakes his head, fast and short. "I'm fine, sir," he protests, looking away. Rex sighs and pulls Scorch's head back around, so he is forced to look into Rex's eyes again. Rex smiles brittlely and pulls on Scorch's head until their foreheads are pressed together.

"It's alright, _vodika_ (Mando'a-diminutive of _vod_ /little brother)," Rex asserts with so much understanding in his voice. Scorch chokes on a cut off noise full of pain then begins sobbing. Rex pulls him closer and starts murmuring comforting words in Mando'a and Basic.

Scorch doesn't know how long this lasts, but when Scorch's tears finally stop flowing, and he can breathe again, his eyes and cheeks itch, and his nose is running incessantly. Scorch looks over his shoulder and finds that Commander Tano has gotten off the bunk and sat down behind Scorch to wrap her arms around his waist and press her face in between his shoulder blades. Scorch turns back to look at Rex, who has turned his entire body toward Scorch and is leaning towards him with an open, understanding look.

"Better?" Rex asks.

"Yes, sir. Thank you." Scorch nods and squeezes Rex's right bicep.

Scorch looks up and freezes at the sight of General Skywalker and General Kenobi sitting on the bunk. Kenobi has stripped down to his undertunic and leggings and rests against the back wall of the bunk, scrolling through a datapad with a Jedi serene look on his face. General Skywalker has stripped down to his undertunic and leggings as well and has actually taken off his gloves. Skywalker slouches against the back wall of the bunk and is fiddling with his prosthetic arm.

Rex reaches up and pats General Skywalker's knee. Skywalker and Kenobi get up without a word as everyone in the room begins moving. A couple minutes later, Scorch finds himself amid a pile of brothers and three Jedi. Scorch's head rests on Rex's chest, and he has at least three others pressed against him on all sides, but he has no idea who any of them are. The only other time Scorch has felt so comforted and loved was when it had just been him and Zavier.

Scorch can't find the motivation to try to hold back his tears and just lets them fall.


End file.
